Monday, 28 May 2012
The Truth about my time in LA
I thought it was about time I opened up and told the truth about my time living here in LA. So many people think that I am "living the life", "living the dream" am "the luckiest guy in the world". I wish all of that was true I really do. I wish I could constantly tell my friends and family back home what an amazing time I am having in LA and how I feel so settled like it's home. Well that would be a lie.
LA is a huge city that has so much going on. It is a city of such great opportunity and that's such a huge attraction to the place for so many people, me included. But with opportunities, comes desperation and comes a great deal of competition. Many people in this town will do absolutely anything to succeed, and will go to such extreme lengths to do so, no matter who they trample over in the mean time. They are completely selfish and will only ever contact you if they need something from you. Friendship is a term that so many in this city fail to understand. But the hardest part is that these people are the ones that seem to be succeeding here. I am not using this as an excuse for any of my failings since I've been out here, but it is a big excuse as to why my time here has been a struggle.
Starting fresh in a new city has so many different challenges to overcome. One is to get a group of friends. Sounds the most simple of tasks, but in LA it is one of the hardest things. I am such a social person and I get along with absolutely anyone. I am friendly and approachable, something that's tough to find in people here. I celebrated my birthday a month a go and so many people I invited flaked out. That word "flaked" is used so much out here. Its such a difference to how my life is back in England.
Myself and my girlfriend were out recently with friends, and after about 15 minutes of being at the venue, the whole group of people moved away and sat away from us. Bar 1 or 2 who spoke to us, it was such a strange situation, that we both couldn't quite believe what was happening in front of our eyes. Sounds ridiculous right? Well, its how it is in this town, people just aren't quite as friendly. This certainly could be simply because the people we hang out with we have very little in common with. Conversation seems hard work, and people often only listen if your talking about money and success. Seriously, it seems like people are only interested if you have loads of money, are going on expensive vacations, or if you have met certain celebrities.
Don't get me wrong, I have been very fortunate to meet some great people in this town, and the ones I can call my friends are such great people. Often I feel like maybe I am just searching for a group of friends like I have back at home, which is quite unrealistic to find. I am one of those people who really enjoys socialising and its very important to me to enjoy life with great people.
The feeling of having a very unstable time here does not help the situation either. Without being able to tie down a regular well paying job has been very challenging, and affects how I'm getting on out here. Stability is so key in life, but I have not had any stability since I have been outr here apart from my relationship. Not knowing whether I will be staying in LA permanently or whether I will be returning to London has constantly been on my mind. Debating over my career as well is something that rings constantly on my mind as well, which makes it hard to enjoy myself over here.
Without regular work, financial worries become an issue, which is the hardest way to live your life. I like to work hard and play hard, but in the current situation out here it becomes very difficult when your priorities change. Not knowing when your next pay cheque is coming in is even harder out here when you haven't got a regular job to back you up.
It is important for me to work through these feelings, but writing them down on helps me a lot and I want to let everyone know the truth about my situation out here. It's certainly no walk in the park thats for sure. Let's hope brighter things are waiting just around the corner.